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Tuesday, June 10, 2014

[WARNING: prepare yourself for a pity party]
Nothing is right. Nothing is turning out how I envisioned it would. Well, perhaps "nothing" is too harsh of a term. Today, I feel conflicted. Maybe it's because I had to drop out of summer school today, or because I still haven't started my job yet, and even because all the other (back-up) jobs I applied to weeks ago haven't called me in for interviews. 

In order for you to understand why I'm feeling this way, perhaps you would need to know my summer goals:
  • Attend summer school, receive credit in Biology & English 1102
  • Get a job
Simple right? I thought so.. and until about a week ago everything was going according to plan. I was happy & excited about not only the summer but everything it would have to offer me. Now, I'm feeling quite bitter towards it. My optimism is fading away. My thoughts are becoming darker. I feel depressed.

Getting a job is not easy at all, might I add. I don't have much, well any, experience in retail or food. My resume sucks,...................................................................

I can't even continue that rant. None of the words even feel right coming out of my mouth. I have to leave this place of sadness & negativity. I need to have faith. Still, knowing all these things I can't help but to feel down. But in times like these, we must believe that God has a plan for us and wait patiently for it to unfold. We must put all our trust in Him and remove the load from our backs unto His. He not only said that He would carry our load, but guide us to the light when we feel surrounded by darkness. Constantly, I ask myself if I am making the right decision to go to Howard in the fall. (i think so) I'm often scared to even think about it. And when people question my decision it makes me that much more doubtful. 

It's time for me to grow some balls. I gotta man up. I've been a wimp for too long. & This isn't me being mean to myself, I'm just being real. 

Kayla, think about this.
AMEN.

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